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In the Void 

Do you ever feel like you are in the void?  That nether place between awake and sleep or reality and fantasy or doing and not doing?  Actually, I think it may be the "waiting" place that Dr. Seuss talks about in Oh, The Places You'll Go.  I come here occasionally.  Not intentionally, of course.  I think that makes it actually worse. I've been actually wallowing in it for about 2 days.  Before I go any further, I should tell you, I'm planning on leaving here tomorrow.  I just needed a couple of days.  Let me explain.

You can get so confused

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

The last 6 years I have served on a board.  Various boards.  Different non-profits where I felt I could serve.  Saturday night brought my most recent service pretty much to a close after I organized an event with nearly 200 ticket holders plus a many entertainers and their families.  I had help.  Lots of of it. Nevertheless, the success or failure of the event fell on my shoulders (at least in my own mind). Truthfully, near the end I was not sure I could pull off this one last thing.  But, I was in a sprint to the finish line and ready to hand off the organization to other capable hands.  So, adrenaline, adrenaline, adrenaline......race, race, race.  Crash.  Yep.  I've crashed.  Not a little bit crashed.  But, big, adrenaline fatigue, how the hell did I get here crash.  And now, I stand - in the void.

I feel a little bit like Sirius Black must have felt when he crashed through the doorway into the other side.  Really.   All I can say is I am choosing to honor this space.  I'm going to take this time that I need to refocus and take all of that wonderful energy that I have been giving out through my volunteer work and channel it back into myself for my own success and growth.    Though in the void, today I spent two hours listening to blogcasts by Leonie Dawson  and how to work through the Create Your Shining Year in Biz Workbook.  It was all I could do and I am now exhausted beyond words.   Though in the void, I knew that if I did not find something constructive that was spiritually uplifting that would help me fill that space, I would not be satisfied.  

Today I stand here in the void.  Tomorrow, I stand in the light.


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