Do you ever feel like you are in the void? That nether place between awake and sleep or reality and fantasy or doing and not doing? Actually, I think it may be the "waiting" place that Dr. Seuss talks about in Oh, The Places You'll Go. I come here occasionally. Not intentionally, of course. I think that makes it actually worse. I've been actually wallowing in it for about 2 days. Before I go any further, I should tell you, I'm planning on leaving here tomorrow. I just needed a couple of days. Let me explain.
You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
The last 6 years I have served on a board. Various boards. Different non-profits where I felt I could serve. Saturday night brought my most recent service pretty much to a close after I organized an event with nearly 200 ticket holders plus a many entertainers and their families. I had help. Lots of of it. Nevertheless, the success or failure of the event fell on my shoulders (at least in my own mind). Truthfully, near the end I was not sure I could pull off this one last thing. But, I was in a sprint to the finish line and ready to hand off the organization to other capable hands. So, adrenaline, adrenaline, adrenaline......race, race, race. Crash. Yep. I've crashed. Not a little bit crashed. But, big, adrenaline fatigue, how the hell did I get here crash. And now, I stand - in the void.
I feel a little bit like Sirius Black must have felt when he crashed through the doorway into the other side. Really. All I can say is I am choosing to honor this space. I'm going to take this time that I need to refocus and take all of that wonderful energy that I have been giving out through my volunteer work and channel it back into myself for my own success and growth. Though in the void, today I spent two hours listening to blogcasts by Leonie Dawson and how to work through the Create Your Shining Year in Biz Workbook. It was all I could do and I am now exhausted beyond words. Though in the void, I knew that if I did not find something constructive that was spiritually uplifting that would help me fill that space, I would not be satisfied.
Today I stand here in the void. Tomorrow, I stand in the light.
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